Cut and Paste, Start Again ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- with onions. There are these weird phrases that get caught in my head, things that mean nothing to anyone who knows me now because they belonged to people I haven't seen or spoken to in years. "A horrible person with onions" is one of them. Whenever I'm really upset it runs through my head, "I'm a horrible, awful person, a horrible person with onions." And if I say it out loud to anyone here, or to my roommate, I just sound like I'm talking gibberish, because a horrible person with onions is a statement that belonged to Rose and I. It was something that she said when we were 15, drunk, standing outside of of Grey's Papaya in the West Village late at night. She was upset because she had drunkenly allowed herself to be kissed by a boy who wasn't her boyfriend. She kept telling me that she was a horrible person and that he was going to hate her. The guy behind the register at Grey's asked her if she wanted anything on her hot dog and she turned to him and said, "Yes, yes, I would like a horrible person with onions, please." He looked at her confused, she started crying, and it became our joke. Whenever one of us was going through a bad low she would turn to the other and say, "I would like a horrible, terrible, no good person with onions." And the other person would know exactly what was needed... people used to accuse us of speaking in our own language. We had code words for all of our moods, we made light of the fact that we were both unstable most of the time, we could talk about almost anything without anyone around us knowing what it meant. Those code words get stuck in my head sometimes and I want someone to be able to decipher what they mean when I don't have the energy to explain what I'm feeling exactly. 13:29 - 28 May 2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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