Cut and Paste, Start Again
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september is on it's way, yet again
My anxiety is getting out of control again. And the depression that comes with it... not fun. I feel like I'm failing at life right now. I see my classmates from art school getting their work published all over the place, and me? I can barely pick up a brush and get anything out at all. I just feel like I have nothing worthwhile to say. And where does that leave me? I spent $120,000 on art school to come away from it with no motivation whatsoever to create, and I'm not qualified to do much else. To the rest of the professional world an art school degree might as well be a high school diploma. I'm back in school right now, in a city college, still an undergrad student, maybe to get a BA in psychology, maybe just to waste some time. I have no idea what I'm doing. I can spin it when someone asks me how things are going and what I'm up to, i can spin it and make it sound good, but I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. I don't feel like I have any control at all over my life. Is that normal, something that comes with this age, should I just stop worrying and let things happen... I don't fucking know.
In response to the overwhelming anxiety and sense of aimlessness i've been trying to make new work. I've made this same drawing 5 times now. The first 2 attempts were torn up. Here are the last three half finished versions.
23:23 - 30 August 2008
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stranger in a strange land - 13 July 2012 others: gallinula |