Cut and Paste, Start Again

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fuck it

I just don't understand why you refuse to see that it's not a matter of whether or not I'm in "2nd place"
It's the fact that seeing you with someone else is going to break my heart.
And I don't know whether or not I'll be able to pull myself together and force myself to be the bigger person and just be happy for you when that time comes. Because every time you mention her name it will be like a knife in the chest and remind me of how alone I feel all of the time. And I know myself well enough to know that that's when I'll walk away for both of our sakes. Because I will resent you. I'll resent the fact that you refused to have any faith that this isn't all that could exist between us. You say that the world would have to change and not us, and honestly, to me that just feels like a cop out. But it doesn't really matter how I feel about it because you've already decided it's not worth the risks involved. And you seem to think that by not trying you'll somehow be able to preserve our friendship as is, but you're wrong, because that day is going to come and you're going to break my heart whether you like it or not, and I'm not going to stick around to get hurt more, and even if I try to our relationship WILL change because I will be angry and hurt and at best I will lash out at you and I will hurt you back, at worst I'll bite my tongue until I just have nothing at all to say.

22:23 - 15 August 2008

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