Cut and Paste, Start Again ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- conversation #99 Me: You know... I notice that a lot of people say that they're most attracted to people who seem confident, or have good self esteem; people who look like they enjoy themselves, happy people, etc and so forth. That those things are more important than looks. Every time I hear (or read) someone say that, it makes me wonder what exactly it says about me that I'm not drawn to people like that; I'm drawn to people who are shy, who stick out like a sore thumb and are obviously uncomfortable with it. I'm drawn to people who are uncomfortable in their own skin, people with shaky voices and trembling hands. People who don't smile unless they're feeling it. I'm drawn to people who aren't afraid to admit that they're terrified of the world that they're living in. What's so great about confidence? Are we all so lazy that we can't put in the extra effort and find things to love in people who haven't learned to love themselves? I dunno... I guess maybe it's just what I hope that other people would do for me. So I find it easy. Me: that's what I wrote Her: that last bit is now going to be my favorite quote Me: his question was: It sounds to me like you are drawn to people who have personality traits that are honest and similar to yours maybe you don't empathize with people who are confident because you ether think that they aren't honest or have nothing in common with you. Me: make sure you cite me Her: of course i will when dont i Me: Almost... I am drawn to people who are similar to myself, yes. And I am drawn to honesty. The thing about confidence is that I don't believe people really understand what it means when they use the word. I think that our definition of confidence has been tainted by the self-help book diatribe that puts emphasis on good "self-esteem" over the confidence that comes from actually being a capable human being. I consider myself to be a pretty confident person, I have a very strong sense of self, this doesn't mean that I don't spend a significant amount of time second guessing things or being anxious about my decisions. I don't trust people who are too self-assured; I feel that you would have to entertain an overly simplistic view of the world to be so sure of your own worth and place within it. Me: there's a reason I don't get dates... Her: i dont know what it is, i think being smarter than a tack is kind of hot and thats only one in a thousand trait Me: I'm told that my intelligence, because I am female, is intimidating Me: I'm also told that my intelligence, because I am a female who doesn't look like a dog, is downright terrifying. Her: lol 00:41 - 19 March 2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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