Cut and Paste, Start Again

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1:10 am

I'm tired and I'm afraid all of the time, and I don't know why. That's all I ever seem to write about, is fear, fear, fear. I'm afraid everytime I close my eyes, I might open them and everything will be gone again.

My mother tried to kill herself when I was eight years old. She locked herself in the bathroom and took a bunch of pills, and I could hear her crying, and I knocked but she wouldn't answer, she just kept crying. I had to call her husband-- her husband whom she was divorcing at the time. And he came, and he got her out, and I can't remember anything after that.

She won't admit to it now. She won't even validate the memory. And I'm afraid all the time. Afraid that when I close my eyes, this will all be gone.

01:10 - 17 July 2007

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next